Ep. 078 - Should You Lend Money to Family or Friends? A Biblical Approach to Stewardship

Episode Transcript

Austin
As followers of Jesus. The Lord calls us to care for our family of faith. When family and friends fall on hard times financially, how might God stewards care for our hurting brothers and sisters? Today we want to discuss specifically lending to family and friends.
So, Spencer, the reality is, at any time any of us could fall on a hardship, we might have a medical event, we might lose a job. And the reality is, as the body of Christ, we are to wrap around that person. And God calls us to be generous stewards with those around us. We never know. Tomorrow is never promised to be a day full of life and vitality and health.
And so there are going to be times where we as the body of Christ, whether through generous giving or lending, can walk alongside our brothers and sisters. And we see this in Matthew 25, verses 31 to 46, where Jesus is talking about he's talking to a group, and he says, for I was hungry and you gave me food.
I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me. And the disciples and the people that are around him were like, when did we do that? And he said, then he will answer them, saying, truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.
And so I think the reality here is, as we look at what Jesus is saying, there are going to be times where we need to serve the poor and the least of these, and we are honoring Jesus by doing this. Now, I think there's a flip side that can you touch on there, where we see Paul in Thessalonians saying something different than what Jesus is alluding to here?

Spencer
Well, I think we see the beauty of really the gospel in that our lives are exchanged lives. When we see a brother or sister fall on hard times, we get the honor of being able to step into their lives sometimes and be able to be Christ to them. The thing that we have to recognize as we do that is we live in a fallen world.
And it is messy. And every time you do this, it's probably going to be messy. So this idea that, okay, you're always going to give someone resources who is going to, you know, be able to pay them back or be able to, you know, act in a way that is biblically faithful, you know, financially it's not going to happen.
I love what John Piper said one time when he was being interviewed as a, pastor within a pastor's conference, related to money. He said, at the end of the day, I want to err on the side of being easy to take advantage of at least the first time, you know? And so, you know, he wanted to have this open handedness that I think that we see in the gospel of
okay, yeah, you might fool me. I still want to be open with my resources while also seeing that sometimes the biggest thing that we can do in loving is actually engage with the person and not give resources., not give those financial resources. So as we as we think about the counterbalance of this, really in love, Paul, in 2 Thessalonians 3 says, he who will not work shall not eat.
So a different, time frame here, of course, we quoted Jesus and his teaching, there in Matthew 25, Paul here in 2 Thessalonians is writing a letter to the church in Thessalonica. And there were many there who thought that the return of Jesus was imminent. They had stopped working. So there were many people who were working really hard.
They were sharing resources. Some were working and some were not. And he said stop it. He says you need to be working. So it's not just that we enable people not to work. It's not that we just enable people to maybe make decisions that are not good decisions. We have to be wise about this. And I think that's where it always comes back to
it’s going to be messy. You know, with finances. But part of what Jesus and Jesus’ work and the Holy Spirit allows us to do is to enter that space with love.

Austin
Yeah.

Spencer
And with patience.

Austin
And I think the reality here is we need to pray and be willing to listen to [the] Holy Spirit. And as we are listening to the spirit, whether it is someone who comes to my door or a member of my church that has significant financial need, I have to be willing to listen to say, okay Lord are you saying
give $5 to this person? Are you saying give 500? 5000? Whatever it is, if the Lord says, do it. We need to listen to the Spirit's guiding. And we need to do it with wisdom of, okay, am I just enabling bad behavior? That's just going to perpetuate more and more and more bad behavior? Or am I really stepping in, like you were saying, and walking alongside this person towards their health, their wholeness, their healing, their restoration to the family of God?
And so I think, again, if God calls us to give, we obey his call to give. Where we see a turn, though, is when we think about, okay, I see a brother in need, and maybe I am just going to make a loan to them. Maybe it's a larger expense they need just help with in the temporary.
But they want to honor you by paying you back. The reality here is we can lend to our brothers and sisters in need. The difference is and the tension that we've come back to before is we don't want to border on usury. And we'll talk about this a little bit more later. But lending can be a great way to help a brother and sister in need.
But I think in the back of our mind, we kind of always think about it as it's a pre-made gift. And if there's any point in time where my brother or sister, because they have come out of they've lost their job or a medical event has arisen and they can't pay back anymore. That gift is done!
I'm not expecting it in return. And so I think we get in this tense spot with brothers and sisters in faith. If we make a loan fully expecting it in return and not having our hands open as though it were a gift or the potential for it to become a gift at any moment in time.

Spencer
Right. And it's beautiful. If we have funds that we are willing to do that with. Because, you know, when you make a loan there and you have the correct level of expectation, you can have a tremendous impact and you can get the funds back. Now, obviously they're tied up for a season. There are different considerations there.
You don't want to be, you know, taking your entire primary reserve and giving it to a brother or sister for as a loan, typically speaking, because, you know, you'd like to have some margin in your own financial life. Typically there as well. But, there is beauty to that. But we need to approach it, like you said, with the right perspective.
I'm not going to hold this over them if they're not able to repay it. If they lose their job, if they have a medical event like you talked about, their was on top of whatever got them to this level of circumstance. We need to have a level of expectation that, that this can easily become a gift.

Austin
Right, absolutely. Well and I think, as we think about this in the grand scheme of, okay, where do I make a gift? Where do I make a loan? I think one of the ways that I've thought about this in the past is, let's say we have a friend or a family member of the faith that has been taken advantage of by maybe a predatory lender, whether that's credit cards or car loans or things like that, where the interest is really substantial and they want to be able to pay it off.
They want to pay off their own car. Well, here's a place where maybe I can step in as a brother and sister in Christ and say, hey, you were taken advantage of by this institution. They sold you a car. They made you pay 15% interest or whatever exorbitant rate that it could have been. Hey, I will loan you those resources and I'm going to charge you a 0% loan.
You pay me back, here's the resources, go ahead and pay off the car. I think that's a place where it honors them in saying, hey, you were taken advantage of. Let me help you in this situation where it's I don't want to buy your car. I don't want to be the one that pays it off. But I want to help you so that you're not being taken advantage of.
I think that's where we, as brothers and sisters in Christ, can step in and say, hey, this was not okay. The way that that dealer treated you, the way that that lender treated you, they're seeing that you're maybe not as financially astute or, just whatever reason you were taken advantage of. Let me step in and be a place that can mediate between you and that loan.

Spencer
So we cut the interest rate down substantially. We kind of restore order. But this is in more of the normal course of things where we see, hey you were going to pay off this car anyway or whatever it might be. You have the job, you have the funds in the future to be able to do that, to cash flow it.
So let's not take away your dignity, take away your choice there. In that circumstance, what would be a circumstance where maybe a loan wouldn't make sense here, where an outright gift would be, maybe what we should consider more?

Austin
Yeah, I think about emergency medical debt. So let's say you have a child that has a broken bone. My daughter broke her arm a couple of years ago, and the medical bills were substantial. We have insurance, but the reality is, because you've got 17 doctors that are all senior, and they all want a piece of the pie,
the bill ended up being several thousand dollars. Praise be to God, we have the resources to pay. But at some point, some people can't have that. They don't have the resources to pay. So maybe they're saying, all right, well, I'll pay $50 in perpetuity because that's the payment plan that I can be on. Maybe that's just the point where you're like, no, I'm just going to step in and make a gift and I'm going to help you pay off that medical debt.
The reality there is, I think they have come into a situation where an accident happened, an accident occurred, and the medical system in the United States is just it's broken in a lot of ways. And the ways that we defer compensation or work with insurance providers. And so maybe that's a scenario where an outright gift to just say, hey, we're going to pay off that medical debt.
So that you're not paying $50 a month for the next 50 years on it. That may make more sense. So we talk about a medical side. When would it not make sense to come in and do, make an outright gift like that?

Spencer
Well, I think we have to be careful here. And oftentimes, this would happen over the course of a relationship, but there are certain folks within our neighborhood that there are legitimate needs that they've had over time. But some of those folks also, they'll come and knock on your door and those needs actually have been dealt with. But the pattern is still to ask.
And so I think there are folks that are out there that, you know, as we come to know them, we can see maybe what's needed here more is actually a relationship. Maybe what's needed here is more, you know, help with budgeting. Maybe what's needed here more is actually getting in and helping them with the system of finance.
We had a gentleman, who we've, paid for, you know, work for the last couple of years. He's kind of been, you know, homeless in certain stretches and such. But what we've noticed is that there have been several breaks in the financial system of getting him funds from different institutions that he legitimately has, claim on.
So, for instance, Social Security, you know, coming in, he should be getting these resources in, but sometimes there's a break there. Well, rather than just continuing to provide funds. I think the offer to be able to say, hey, let me get on the phone with you, with your bank, with Social Security Administration and say, let's figure out how we sort through this, can be far more helpful.
And it's actually more costly to us in some ways, because giving him an extra 10 or $15, you know, once a week, is a lot easier in some ways than carving out several hours to get on the phone with the call center and figure out, you know, is there one number that's off here with, you know, what Social Security Administration has?
So there are circumstances where what's really needed is an investment in the relationship. Now, sometimes that person just doesn't want that investment. And we have to be comfortable. I think taking a step back and saying, well, you know, money is not going to be helpful. It's not going to be, redemptive here. It's actually going to just continue to, enable, a direction that is not all that helpful.
I think we have to be really careful here before we come to that conclusion, and we need to have a lot of evidence that a brother or sister is going that path. But certainly after a number of times of watching, you know, behavior and seeing, okay, it doesn't seem like these resources maybe are being used as they've said, that they're being used, or the same thing happening over and over again,
I think we can begin to say, okay, maybe the path of a gift outright is not helping as much here. It's not loving sometimes. What are the other resources, tools that I have at my disposal, including my time, including some level of expertise. You know, you may not think that you're great with talking with financial institutions, but there are folks that literally have no background, no experience at all.
And sometimes that's what they need, is to be able to walk alongside and say, okay, let's troubleshoot this.

Austin
Right. Well, I think that's where we come back to both Christ's words of we are supposed to come to the poor and the needy and the broken and give them resources, give them the things that they need: a coat, meal. And we are serving Jesus when we do that, paired with the wisdom of Paul from Thessalonians to say, hey, are there places where they're just trying to take advantage of our generosity?
And I think the reality is, as we come back as the church, as the body of Christ here on earth, I think there's a lot of wisdom of saying, how do we actually route some of this through the church? Oftentimes in the book of Acts we see that the gifts are made to the church, and then the church disperses them to those in need.
That way, it's not ever just fully on my shoulders to know, okay, well, this person keeps coming to my door when there is a body of people that love the Lord, that love this person, that they're saying, hey, yes, I was asked about that same need five minutes ago and I was, another person and say yes, I was asked about that need ten minutes ago and I gave to it.
There allows to be a wisdom of the body of Christ to say, hey, we still, we love you, but we're also seeing these patterns and we want to give. We want to be like Jesus to you. We want to serve you. But at the end of the day, we need to also recognize that as stewards of God, as stewards of God's resources, we want to make sure that we are honoring him and honoring his image bearers as well.

Spencer
Well and that's where the collective can come together and really bless an individual. There is a group of people. It's not just one family or one person that is walking alongside, but it's a whole group of people. And sometimes even that can be reduced to, you know, writing of a paragraph or two and say, okay, here's what we're planning to do so that everyone understands it's going to be for this period of time,
we’re going to come alongside in this particular way, and then we're going to have a checkpoint, you know, down in the future where we all see, okay, where are we at, you know, with this need, with this goal? And that's one of the things that we would encourage folks, if you do make a loan, reduce it to writing, not necessarily a legal contract, but a memorandum of understanding.
Just so everybody is on the same page with this is where we started. You may not hold someone's feet to the fire there, but it also gives you just clarity of, hey, this is this is how much was lent. These were kind of the terms that we talked about. And if someone is going to push back, you know, later on, at least you can come back to say, well, this was the original intent.
This is what we thought. We're happy to, you know, make some changes if we need to. But so that there is not a level of, ambiguity. So often when we get into the financial world, that level of ambiguity conversations, this person said this, this wasn't understood, can lead to friction, can lead to difficulties in relationship.
So sometimes, you know, reducing that to writing can be tremendously helpful there as well.

Austin
Absolutely. Spencer thanks for the conversation on lending to family and friends. Clients, if you have any questions about this or want to discuss, how do you go about lending to a brother or sister in need, we would love to talk with you about it. As always, feel free to leave comments down below and we'll see you again next time.
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Disclaimer
This content was provided by Second Half Stewardship. We are in Knoxville, Tennessee and you can visit our website at www.secondhalfstewardship.com. The information in this recording is intended for general, educational and informational purposes only, and should not be construed as investment, advisory, financial planning, legal, tax, or other professional advice based on your specific situation. Please consult your professional advisor before taking any action based on its contents.